This skill can be an immense asset when it comes to resolving conflict. Some introverts like talking about their feelings, while others decidedly do not! In any case, introverts tend to think deeply about these situations, considering the problem from several different angles. We may even play out entire discussions in our heads. Whether or not you feel like talking, chances are, you have something to say.
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Introverts are thinkers. We might read too deeply into an offhand remark. If the problem has been adequately resolved, let it go. Family relationships can be complex.
I once had an exasperated conversation with my sister regarding one of my children. As different as we may be, love binds families together. The context for and motivation behind accommodating play an important role in whether or not it is an appropriate strategy. Generally, we accommodate because we are being generous, we are obeying, or we are yielding. Research has shown that the accommodating style is more likely to occur when there are time restraints and less likely to occur when someone does not want to appear weak. Deborah A.
Cai and Edward L. As with avoiding, there are certain cultural influences we will discuss later that make accommodating a more effective strategy. In essence, when we compromise, we give up some or most of what we want. Compromising may be a good strategy when there are time limitations or when prolonging a conflict may lead to relationship deterioration. Compromise may also be good when both parties have equal power or when other resolution strategies have not worked. Compromising may help conflicting parties come to a resolution, but neither may be completely satisfied if they each had to give something up.
A negative of compromising is that it may be used as an easy way out of a conflict. The compromising style is most effective when both parties find the solution agreeable. They are both giving up something, and if neither of them have a problem with taking their lunch to work, then the compromise was equitable.
The obvious advantage is that both parties are satisfied, which could lead to positive problem solving in the future and strengthen the overall relationship. The disadvantage is that this style is often time consuming, and only one person may be willing to use this approach while the other person is eager to compete to meet their goals or willing to accommodate. While having a roommate offers many benefits such as making a new friend, having someone to experience a new situation like college life with, and having someone to split the cost on your own with, there are also challenges.
Some common roommate conflicts involve neatness, noise, having guests, sharing possessions, value conflicts, money conflicts, and personality conflicts. Read the following scenarios and answer the following questions for each one:. Scenario 1: Neatness. Your college dorm has bunk beds, and your roommate takes a lot of time making his bed the bottom bunk each morning. While he is away for the weekend, your friend comes to visit and sits on the bottom bunk bed. You tell him what your roommate said, and you try to fix the bed back before he returns to the dorm.
When he returns, he notices that his bed has been disturbed and he confronts you about it. Scenario 2: Noise and having guests. Your roommate has a job waiting tables and gets home around midnight on Thursday nights. She often brings a couple friends from work home with her.
They watch television, listen to music, or play video games and talk and laugh. You have an 8 a.
Introverts and conflict
Last Friday, you talked to her and asked her to keep it down in the future. Scenario 3: Sharing possessions. When you go out to eat, you often bring back leftovers to have for lunch the next day during your short break between classes. Scenario 4: Money conflicts. Your roommate got mono and missed two weeks of work last month. Since he has a steady job and you have some savings, you cover his portion of the rent and agree that he will pay your portion next month.
The next month comes around and he informs you that he only has enough to pay his half. Scenario 5: Value and personality conflicts. You like to go out to clubs and parties and have friends over, but your roommate is much more of an introvert. One day she tells you that she wants to break the lease so she can move out early to live with one of her friends. If you break the lease, you automatically lose your portion of the security deposit. Culture is an important context to consider when studying conflict, and recent research has called into question some of the assumptions of the five conflict management styles discussed so far, which were formulated with a Western bias.
John Oetzel, Adolfo J. While there are some generalizations we can make about culture and conflict, it is better to look at more specific patterns of how interpersonal communication and conflict management are related. We can better understand some of the cultural differences in conflict management by further examining the concept of face.
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Our face The projected self we desire to put into the world. Face negotiation theory Theory that argues people in all cultures negotiate face through communication encounters, and that cultural factors influence how we engage in facework, especially in conflicts. John G. These cultural factors influence whether we are more concerned with self-face or other-face and what types of conflict management strategies we may use.
One key cultural influence on face negotiation is the distinction between individualistic and collectivistic cultures. The distinction between individualistic and collectivistic cultures is an important dimension across which all cultures vary. Individualistic cultures Culture that emphasizes individual identity over group identity and encourages competition and self-reliance. Collectivistic cultures Culture that values in-group identity over individual identity and values conformity to social norms of the in-group. Mararet U.
Dsilva and Lisa O. However, within the larger cultures, individuals will vary in the degree to which they view themselves as part of a group or as a separate individual, which is called self-construal.
How to Deal with Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)
Independent self-construal indicates a perception of the self as an individual with unique feelings, thoughts, and motivations. Interdependent self-construal indicates a perception of the self as interrelated with others. Not surprisingly, people from individualistic cultures are more likely to have higher levels of independent self-construal, and people from collectivistic cultures are more likely to have higher levels of interdependent self-construal.
Self-construal and individualistic or collectivistic cultural orientations affect how people engage in facework and the conflict management styles they employ. Self-construal alone does not have a direct effect on conflict style, but it does affect face concerns, with independent self-construal favoring self-face concerns and interdependent self-construal favoring other-face concerns.
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There are specific facework strategies for different conflict management styles, and these strategies correspond to self-face concerns or other-face concerns. Research done on college students in Germany, Japan, China, and the United States found that those with independent self-construal were more likely to engage in competing, and those with interdependent self-construal were more likely to engage in avoiding or collaborating. And in general, this research found that members of collectivistic cultures were more likely to use the avoiding style of conflict management and less likely to use the integrating or competing styles of conflict management than were members of individualistic cultures.
The following examples bring together facework strategies, cultural orientations, and conflict management style: Someone from an individualistic culture may be more likely to engage in competing as a conflict management strategy if they are directly confronted, which may be an attempt to defend their reputation self-face concern. Someone in a collectivistic culture may be more likely to engage in avoiding or accommodating in order not to embarrass or anger the person confronting them other-face concern or out of concern that their reaction could reflect negatively on their family or cultural group other-face concern.
While these distinctions are useful for categorizing large-scale cultural patterns, it is important not to essentialize or arbitrarily group countries together, because there are measurable differences within cultures. Culture always adds layers of complexity to any communication phenomenon, but experiencing and learning from other cultures also enriches our lives and makes us more competent communicators. Conflict is inevitable and it is not inherently negative.
A key part of developing interpersonal communication competence involves being able to effectively manage the conflict you will encounter in all your relationships. One key part of handling conflict better is to notice patterns of conflict in specific relationships and to generally have an idea of what causes you to react negatively and what your reactions usually are. Much of the research on conflict patterns has been done on couples in romantic relationships, but the concepts and findings are applicable to other relationships. Four common triggers for conflict are criticism, demand, cumulative annoyance, and rejection.
Andrew Christensen and Neil S. Comments do not have to be meant as criticism to be perceived as such. Gary, however, may take the comment personally and respond negatively back to his mom, starting a conflict that will last for the rest of his visit. Demands also frequently trigger conflict, especially if the demand is viewed as unfair or irrelevant. Tone of voice and context are important factors here.
As we discussed earlier, demands are sometimes met with withdrawal rather than a verbal response.